Late Night Thoughts...

Cody back in High School as a Cute Little Sophomore

Tonight I went to the movies with my friends Mat and Rachel.  We saw the movie called Hall Pass which was pretty funny, but there were some really gross parts that I didn't enjoy watching.

Anyway, the point isn't that I went to the movies.  Seeing Mat and Rachel together and hanging out with them makes me think about the times that we all used to hang out together when we were all in College Station and Cody was there.

I miss Cody so much more that I ever have before.  It's not like this is the first time we've had to live in different places for months at a time.  But for some reason it's just different this time and I miss him a LOT.

For those of you who don't know me and Cody, we have been dating since my junior year of high school, SEVEN YEARS ago.  We got engaged in December and for some reason we decided not to get married until August.  Anyway, when I graduated high school, I went off to college at A&M, while Cody finished up high school (he's a grade level below me).  So instead of coming to college with me when he finished school, he decided to stay at home and go to community college.  We dated long distance for 3 years before he finally came down to be with me at A&M, where we spent two years together (not including summers because Cody always took summer school and I always went home).

Then, when he finished up college, he moved back home and I still had a semester left to finish up my master's degree.  So we were long distance again for about 7 or 8 months before we got engaged in December.  After that we spent about 3 or 4 months both living in Sherman while I looked for a job and Cody worked at the health food store, and now here we are.

Long FREAKING distance.

Again.

From a loooooooooooong time ago, but one of my ALL TIME favorite pictures of me and Cody.

I don't know how I'm going to make it until August without Cody here.  I am ashamed to say this, but I've actually cried myself to sleep a few nights since I've moved here to Houston.  One time, I was in my car (I just pulled into a parking spot at my apartment), talking to Cody and he had to hang up with me because some of his friends had just got there and they were getting in the hot tub.  Did I mention that my friend Charis was also there?  And I wasn't in a very good mood (something bad or sucky had happened that day) and I was obviously upset that I was here and Cody was there, and it was like he didn't even care because he had people he needed to entertain.  I had to sit out in the car for like 10 minutes so I wouldn't walk in the door with red crying eyes in front of my room mate.

I miss him so much that I start arguments with him over the phone because I'm so upset that we don't get to see each other.  I can't just be happy to talk to him.  It makes me mad whenever I call and he's having a good old time hanging out with all his friends, sitting in the hot tub, going to the movies (that I want to see too by the way), going to play tennis... whatever it is that he's doing.  He is constantly doing things without me and half the time he won't even talk to me about it.

It makes me feel left out.  Especially when I'm the one sitting in an office working all day long, and then going home to be by myself some more.

I'm just TIRED OF IT!!  I feel like it will never be my turn to be happy.  I am constantly waiting for something - waiting for school to be over (All of my friends graduated a semester before I did), waiting for a job, waiting for a new car, waiting to get married, waiting, waiting, waiting.  Why can't I just be impulsive and do something without thinking for once?

I know Cody misses me too, but that still doesn't make me feel any better.  Obviously, I need some prayer time or something.  I should just be thankful that I have a job.  That's the only reason me and Cody can get married now, because if neither of us have jobs, we certainly can't live on our own.

God was faithful and answered my prayers (when I was unemployed) and gave me a job, so now I have to make the best of it between now and the wedding.

I have to suck it up.